Immortal by Marina and the Diamonds plays, with the lyrics projected as the audience settle into their seats, Cody (me), walks through the door in his coat, with a bag of food shopping singing Fame. He puts it on the table and starts to take out the contents.

I do know you’re all there by the way. And I’m not being rude. It’s the fourth wall you see but never mind that.

Stop. Turn to the audience.

Thanks for coming to me flat. Which is small. And not a real flat. I’m Cody, or John for the purposes of the show, that’ll be me character’s name. Or no, Floyd. Yeah, might as well go glamorous, I’m Floyd.

Anyway. This first bit is gonna give you the tone of my lovely show so I have named this section, “My relationship with death”.

Sit down. Stand up. Lean on table. Don’t lean on table. Stand still.

So this relationship with death happened when I was 6. Going deep now people. And it’s only been about 2 minutes of the assessment, so good luck markers. It happened when basically, I was a stubborn 6 year old and decided the rain weren’t gonna stop me so I played in the rain. In shorts. And I got pneumonia. I guess I was complaining about me chest because I went to the hospital. My mum was there all day and my dad was there all night and my sister slept with a picture of me under her pillow. I take the piss out of her for it now obviously and she just tells me to “fuck off”.

 

What I do remember is, throwing up on turkey dinosaurs and still trying to eat them. I woke up once and someone had left a Ginger Spice bobble head on my table. I used to fancy her but that thing freaked me out. And going to the video box with the nurse and wanting to watch Mars Attacks! But she’s like “No, you’re too young for that, what about Dumbo?” and I’m like – well I don’t remember what I was like, but I watched Dumbo a lot, bit mean init calling someone Dumbo, and because he had big ears, but he was an elephant anyway. Yeah (pause) In case you care, I’ve seen Mars Attacks! It’s alright init.

Take Easter egg from the shopping bag, open and eat.

Oh physio hurt my chest and my lung collapsed once. I went home on Easter Day, I think, there were Easter eggs on the settee. I dunno that’s what I remember, I don’t remember being scared, but when I was 6 Jimanji shit me up so I probably was. All I know about the actual pneumonia is what my mum and dad say. (Record them talking about it, if they will!)

Sit down and eat the egg as the recording plays.

So when this idea came into my head I was thinking “why you so bleak?” but I remembered that when I was 7 to 8 I was going through a phase, as we all do as kids, but it wasn’t like eating crayons and shit. I just always thought everyone I loved was gonna die. So my mum would be like “your dad’s just driving home now” and I’d get meself in a tiz woz thinking “well he might not” and it didn’t help I don’t think, that I enjoyed watching horror films, because I wasn’t allowed so the interest was there d’you know what I mean? Bit like the Mars Attacks! Situation. One time me sister was looking after me and put Final Destination 2 on. Well I didn’t want to go in lifts, go dentist, get in a car, you know live my life. I also watched Ghost Ship you know the one on the ship and there’s ghosts and this wire comes down and like chops up everyone. Yeah I woke up and didn’t want to get out bed in case the wire came out of nowhere.

It is funny now to think how silly this was, and I always think “I was a kid, had no massive tragedy” and only recently realised “well the pneumonia thing was a bit nearly tragic”. So that is a direct link and if you’ve just done dissertation you’ll understand how important direct links are.

When thinking of this phase I felt like it was a weird thing a little bit but, no, everyone thinks about death don’t we. I spoke to people about it. We all have a relationship with Death.

Interviews play.

Sit down and look for something.

 

Personal Thoughts on this first draft:

  • There are things within this draft I want to explore, I feel that it doesn’t dwell enough on my experience with Pneumonia, which is really the influence for the performance so maybe I should more. Saying that, both of my parents have agreed to talk to me about it and so maybe they will say enough about it. I feel like it should be something I bring up throughout the show anyway.

 

  • I don’t think I write ‘funny’ very well, but I wouldn’t feel right or confident attempting to improvise, maybe it needs to be less open with the audience, e.g. the line about dissertation and mention that this is an assessment.

 

  • A lot of this first draft will not be apart of the final product. Or if it is, it will be reworded.